Backtracks: A review of The Sorcerers Apprentice

The Sorcerers apprentice is a tale of a young mouse who, when his master is out missuses magic to do his chores via sentient mops.
Oh, you wanted a review of the movie? Strangely that description does describe a scene, but mouse is metaphorical.

In general this movie dissapoints. That's not to say it's a terrible movie. it is fully watchable. but there are so many missteps and so many reminders of what this movie could be that you don't really want to watch more.
For example, the beginning. It is a 5-6 minute sequence that outlines the back story of the movie. But it shows so much material that it is clearly a 15-30 minute sequence edited down to a montage. This is because it follows the Jerry Bruckheimer school of film. Which that the first film in any franchise sticks strictly to the formula. Now that's not to knock formula, if done correctly(I.E. Pirates of the Caribbean) it can be successful. if not, you get Prince of Persia. This falls somewhere in the middle. And it sucks because of that. It makes you feel frustrated. What is that formula you ask? So for example, in the first ten minutes of the movie the overall plot will have at least sown most of it's seeds. It might be 30 minutes in before it shows you exactly what the plot is, but it does set it up. Also in the time you'll establish Genre. In these action/comedy cases, it means you'll get an action sequence, often unnecessarily so. and of course if they average 120 minutes, at around the 60 minute mark you'll get a big elaborate action sequence, at 90 minutes you'll have the hero all but defeated, and at 120 the movie will be over. It's a little more specific than that but that's the gist of it. Check it out for yourself. It's pretty accurate give or take 10 minutes. Except for that opening. Almost every time its set up by minute 10, and usually at or around minute 10 some big change happens in the heroes life to set him on his course. This all goes back to The Great Journey and Joesph Campbell but the point is that it is so trite that there is almost no variation in this movies that it falls on the other elements to make the movie work. Firstly the action has to be entertaining. Going back to Pirates(which I'll do repeatedly), that first action sequence is engaging and gives you an idea for Jack Sparrows character. You also get a sequence where you learn who each of your main characters are. That's what action sequences should do. They shouldn't be there simply to be plot, nor should they simply be there, they need to reinforce character. One or two action sequences in this movie do that. But that's it. The rest are just okay. So then we look at character. Well the characters are pretty bland. The main character is a science geek(we are told this repeatedly) who really hasn't had luck with the ladies since he was a child and Nic Cage's character F'ed it all up for him and then everyone thought he was crazy. He has a roommate that we see twice, and in those two appearances he is a far more interesting character than any one else in this movie. His(our main character played by Jay Buchnel) only really interesting bit of characterization is after he runs into and kind of almost stalks his childhood crush, he listens to her play a song on the radio(a fairly forgettable tune by one republic, this coming from someone who listens to one republic) and gets it to sync with a set of Tesla coils(really cool bit of science, look it up). Nic Cage seems to have been told to curve his awesomeness displayed in Kick Ass and as such is fairly boring. And so is our forgettable villain played by Al Molina. Okay so the characters are bland, the action is bland, what's good in this thing? Is the comedy any good, you ask? Good comedy can go a long way to taking a otherwise okay film and make it great. Well most of the comedy falls flat. Too many puns and too many jokes that just aren't funny or worth more than a chuckle. The movie's best joke is on the screen so fast that if you blinked you'd miss it. Basically(and this scene is longer in the trailer which is the entire reason I wanted to see this movie) Jay's character asks Nic if he's crazy. Nic puts his fingers up, his thumb and his pointer and closes them close in as if to say tiny bit. it is the great moment that I can't tell if it is the writing(at some draft, and if it was that person should write more) or if it was ab lib(in which case Nic Cage really was being curbed and not just trying to pay off his debt). I wanted to like this movie. On the bright side it didn't sequel bait. It's clear you could write more in this world but overall I don't want more to be done. I think you can do a Sorcerer story better and I don't want this to be our next fantasy franchise. Don't pay 10 bucks to see this.

Overall since it's not unwatchable, just disappointing, I'd give the movie a C-. But don't buy it or see it in theaters. Maybe watch it on Netflix one day, or On Demand. But unless you HAVE to own every Nic Cage movie, go see something better.