Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Broken bones, muscles, spirits, and wangs - its a review of Mortal Kombat 2011

Mortal Kombat is the best fighting game that has come out since the 16-bit days. I had more fun playing this game that I have had playing any other fighter that has come out. Let's start with the most obvious part. The characters. The roster here is nothing we haven't seen before(well, that's not true, there are two, but that'll be covered in the spoiler section) but the characters are all well designed. New takes on the old designs. The best bits are the costumes of characters before they become what we know them as. Particularly Cyrax and Sector. I can't praise this game without telling everyone that this game has a good story, a story that outshines every fighting game to date. Fully voice acted, this integrated combat will set the precedent for how all fighting game stories have to be connected. And as you progress you'll unlock stages, costumes, and characters. All of which sets you up for one hell of a local multiplayer experience. Though it is sometimes a bit trickier as you have to go into the Krypt and try and find some extras like costumes, fatalities and art. The Krypt is well animated, able to create scares and creepouts. Every character has access to four finishing moves: Two Fatalities, A babality, and a stage fatality. The variety and complexity of these moves are awesome. They are also gross and sick as you'd expect. The special moves are easy to perform, and often intuitive. Then after you have finished the story mode, there is the challenge tower which while providing unique challenges, it also pits you in some off story matches that could have easily fit in between chapters.
So that's the good, let's talk about the bad. For example, the worst part of the story mode is the broken boss battles. Boss Battles are not a test of strategy, but of luck and mini game timing. Bosses prevent blocking, hitting, and combos. I spent almost three hours trying to beat the final boss and every strategy I sought out(because eventually you just want it to be over) basically boiled down to spam a move, use a simple attack. And it still takes about 10 minutes, and a whole lot of luck. A few other problems exist, such as 1 on 2 matches, including a match that is 1 man versus 2 bosses. The inability to skip cut scenes is an issue. Particularly after you restart and it plays the previous cut scene, some of which are dreadfully long on second viewing. Also there is no option to restart a match mid fight, so in some instances where it is otherwise required to win the first round or have a certain amount of super bar(such as boss battles) this is a major time sink.
There are times when hit detection, combo breaking, fatalities, and special moves don't respond correctly and instead become a hindrance rather than an advantage. A personal issue for me is that this is yet another fighting game that focuses on juggling and combos over any amount of skill that can result in a novice player being juggled and completed hammered by a skilled player before even having a chance to hit said player.
And lastly, for a game that focuses on a tournament, there isn't a tournament mode....



+
Story mode
Variety
Local Multiplayer
The Krypt
Stages
Fatalities
Costumes and their relevancy
Challenge Tower


-
no restart.
No skip cut scene
No replay chapters.
Balance
Boss Battles are not a test of strategy, but of luck and mini game timing
Bosses prevent blocking, hitting, and combos
attacks not working consistently
Fatalities not being performed correctly.
Juggling still persists to exist.
Game relies too much on spam and juggling.
collision detection is awful.
Inconsistent recovery times and animation times.
Lack of proper counters
Glitchy controls.
No Tournament mode.


Spoilerssssssssss:

(1)Back in the day, Smoke was a ninja. And then he was captured and coverted for the cyber initiative. And he became Cyber Smoke. Here however, time has changed, and Smoke was not captured, but instead the second Sub Zero was. Leading to a wonderful conflict between Noob Saibot and Cyber Sub-Zero. Furthermore the ps3 version comes fully equipped with Kratos, the God of War.
(2)
Khan is one of those bosses that breaks the rules of the game. It is common for all of the bosses but it is in the final bout that you really see him hit the spam hammer. The lack of reaction makes him nearly impossible to beat without resorting to boring tactics. It is because of this that the game becomes almost unplayable at this juncture.
End of spoilerrrsssssss




All in all, the game is a B-. More of a try before you buy, because not everyone will like it. That said, you owe it to yourself to play through the story mode.
*I attempted to use MK online, however it only ever found 1 opponent and they backed out before the match began.

*There are a few attack spams possible and they are an issue that needs to be addressed and you can tell a difference between gamer types based on their answer to this problem. You can always tell the difference between the good players and the hardcore players. Hardcore players are the dumbasses who think adding more broken moves to the characters who aren't already broken will make the game better. the good players know that the solution is to take away the teleport moves.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Yo Ho Yo Ho, oh sorry didn't mean to call you a name - a review of POTC On Stranger Tides

Oh Pirates, you had a whole lot of promise once upon a time. And then you failed to edit movies. Instead, you sat and pretty much put word for word the script on screen. That wasn't really pretty. And while I do enjoy all three films, they were absolutely flawed in various ways. However, On Stranger Tides, while faulty, is the first of the film series since the original that really feels like it knows what it wants to be. And what it wants to be is the pirate equivilent of Indiana Jones and Star Wars. Gone are the nagging characters and the insane budget(one of which you can partially mourn for). Instead we have a cast full of characters you want to spend time with. Other than the spanish, who for some reason get no respect and no names and no screen time, the rest of these characters are set about on their course and developed into a team of characters who will go on to inhabit this world. And really, the plot here is kind of flimsy other than to create an atmosphere for which the characters can monkey about. This movie is a bridge between two different franchises. It fully links the previous trilogy of meh, and a potentially awesome future. The movie is a throw back to serials of the first half of the twentith century. Therefore you have to stick around to the end to see what's on the horizon. I am ready for a dozen more of these movies, released every other year. Why? Because these films, soon, will realize what they have to do. They have to become James Bond. What I mean is the day will come when we will have to let Johnny Depp go and let someone else pick up the mantle. But that is another day. Our new additions, BlackBeard and Angelica are wonderful new additions to the universe. Ian Mcshane is absolutely menacing in his role,and while he doesn't outshine Bill Nigh he does do a strong job to keep up with the often under appreciated Geoffry Rush. Penelope Cruz mostly just stands arond and is hot. Her only real action sequence is clearly a stunt double, never once even looking like she was in the scene. And lastly you have my favorite pair of characters, The Priest and The Mermaid. They are a perfect example of characters who DON'T need to return. I thought they were great and will often be forgotten, but in my mind they are the through line for this movie. I'm firmly hoping for a bunch of stand alone tales about various mystical objects. I'd love for the POTC version of Bermuda Triangle.

Okay, most of this is rambling, but the movie is very much worth your time and this film, is a B. It's a good time to be had.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Dylan Dog: Mediocre Detective - a review of Dylan Dog Dead of Night

Alright, I don't want to spend to long thinking about this film. You see, this is the kind of film where if you spend too much time thinking about it, it's a bad movie. It's genuinely got poor effects, poor sound, poor practical effects, poor kittens, and poor hot chicks.
So let's break this down. This movie is poor. Or rather, Cheap. This movie originally was going to have a big budget, but just before filming began they had that budget eviscerated. So suddenly what could have been a great summer opener became and indie film to be released when no one was looking. Hell, I saw an ad for this movie, and had a hard time finding it. In fact, the only reason I ended up seeing it was because I got sent Run Of Engagement passes and happen to be at the right place at the right time. And then, unsuprisingly there were four people in my theater: myself, an older gentlemen with a pad and paper, and a late twenties couple loudly making out.
I know all of this because this movie has a few parts that drag. You see, there are two performances that are at the very least entertaining to watch work their magic, and I'd love to see them go head to head in something calibrated to them. I'm talking about the awesome Taye Diggs, who plays a vampire that runs a vampire club, and Brandon Routh who plays our former detective, Dylan Dog. This movie is the classic detective story with a supernatural twist. I won't say horror, because it really doesn't feel like horror. It's a mystery(though not a thriller, a subgenre that often gets ignored) with elements of comedy mixed in. There are some genuinly interesting ideas here, and a handful that are actually pretty good in execution. But outside of Brandon and Taye the acting tops out at Hey, it's Jimmy Olsen, droping back down to "This is my emoting face. Can't you tell since it's my horny/angry/betraying/sad face." There was clearly some good visions here in concept, likely the source material, but in execution most of it falls flat. When it eventually reaches netflix, as these things do, it'll be worth your time to gander. Think of it like a direct to video movie or a scifi original movie. Not good by most standards, but sometimes if just ever so watchable.
Do I say go out of your way for this? Not really unless you are a hardcore fan of Brandon or Taye, which being both made this movie a worth my hour and fifty minutes.
The plot is really predictable, the music is very meh and the graphics are about on par with doctor who. But the perfect audience for this movie is 10-12 year olds who want something that is their kind of humour but not too complex or too scary or too adult. There is only one real pg-13 moment, but it's so brief that most 10-12 year olds will be watching worse on their programs.
I'd give the movie a D. It's not a failure, but it's never good.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

The God Of Thunder Reigns Supreme - a review of Thor

In a world where movies never quite reach our expectations, where we are forced to sit through the trite, and the mundane, we find Thor. Thor is all about the acting. In every way we are talking about performances that are nuanced and varied in ways that the one two punch of talented director and talented actors fused together can bring to the table. Everyone makes the part but there are a handful of actors who jump leaps and bounds above the rest. In third place we have Sir Anthony Hopkins, whose role as Odin is quite pressing. His voice, his presence, even the looks he give feel the weight of Odin. He absolutely is the Allfather and in every way is playing the role he was born to play. But if Anthony Hopkins, a talent actor to play a character then Chris Hemsworth is Thor who happens to be an actor. You will believe a Thor can fly. Or something. He is both Charming and Arrogant. He is skilled in every way possible. And then, then, Then, There is Mr. Tom Hiddelson who completely became Loki. He is both vulnerable and vengeful. You will both relate and despise him. He is the pure embodiment of Mischief.
The plot uses the Iron Man origin formula, but has one advantage: Better third act. Here there is no down time, no moments where you go “really?”, everything happens and it works. Almost. The biggest weakness of this movie is that Thor’s turn to humility feels rushed. It’s not quite 100 percent. It’s about 90 percent there; it was just missing that last Omph to get it to 100 percent. This far outshines Iron Man 2, it offers much in the way of getting us to the Avengers, but that paving doesn’t feel like the point of the movie. Instead it feels like an extra moment of being ready. The film even ends on a note to set up future Thor sequels rather than marvel movies, though with a cameo by Jeremy Renner, you absolutely could set up more of the world.
Overall, this movie is a solid A. No ifs and ors about it, the absolute best Marvel movie to date, and by extension, the second greatest comic book movie to date.